21 Day Fix

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Grown-ups Live Here - Really


Grown-ups live here – Honestly they do!  Though I realize that sometimes it can be hard to tell.

Is it too much to ask that when someone enters my house for there to be signs that grown-ups live here?  I don’t mind that there are signs that there are kids living here, after all I’m the one who put the Fisher Price Loving Family dollhouse in the living room, I’m the one who put the kids DVD’s in the corner and the little table and chairs with the moon-sand kit on it in the room but the rest of the stuff in the room should show some sort of sign that there are grown-ups living here.  I don’t want a sterile “adult” place but I’d like a few less princess things in the communal living space if you know what I mean.

When the kids were really little it was hard to get rid of the “kids rule this place” look since there were swings, baby seats, bumbos, high chairs, rockers, changing tables, strollers etc. to take up a ton of space but the “baby” here is now in kindergarten and its time for a major kid stuff purge.

We regularly do a sweep of the place for stray toys, wandering stuffed animals and piles of books and other paper items trying to get them back in their place (kids rooms or the basement, on shelves or in the trash) but somehow the place always looks like a combination of a toy store and paper factory explosion. And all of them now being in school has not helped things at all.  The sheer volume of paper that finds its way home from school and into the clutter that is taking over is driving me nuts.

So, I ask, do other people have “kids stuff everywhere” issues?  Or, do they do what I do whenever other “grown-ups” are coming over?  Usually I feel that I have to spend a couple of hours plowing through all of the stuff that has escaped the kids rooms and basement and found its way into the rest of the house.  Of course there is never time for that so it hardly every happens and everything gets scooped up into my arms, deposited in a large box or bags somewhere and squirreled away in a closet, bedroom or the basement waiting for “when I get some time to go through it and take care of it all”.  What usually happens first is the kids find it all again and they pull it out making the stuff migrate all over again.  Lather, rinse and repeat.

I used to pride myself on being very organized, I used to have an organized home and while at work (when I had a job), my work space was always in line and I could find anything on a few minutes notice.  I have this great goal to establish my business and work from home but I need my work space to be organized and since my home would be my office the fact that it is taken over by chaos is not helping me in my efforts.  Clearing out the basement office is a plan but as that is the hiding room for all of the stuff over the years it is also a mountain to plow through first.

So for the past 2 weeks rather than blogging as I intended, (or searching for paying work as I should be) I’ve been spending a lot of my waking hours with no kids at home going through boxes of “stuff” (or crap as I like to call it).  Boxes of kids clothes that I was waiting to get to, boxes of paper and stuff that I was waiting to get to, piles of kid stuff everywhere, toys that my kids are way too old for, boxes that have been moved over and over again waiting for me to get time to go through are now all in my sights. 

So in my quest to make my house workable and look like grown-ups live here I’ve taken 11 boxes of stuff (not crap) to the Salvation Army.  I’ve emptied out and or consolidated another 15 boxes of stuff (down to 4 or 5 boxes at this point) and filled many many garbage bags with a lot of that stuff I was waiting to get a change to go through and decide what to keep and what to get rid of (guess I know what was actually “crap” now) FINALLY.  Yikes – this could take a while.  Stay tuned.  Sooner or later this place will be workable and it will look like grown-ups live here. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Everything Changed That Day




On Tuesday, September 11, 2001 Jason had an 8:00 a.m. (central time) breakfast meeting as part of the Evanston Human Relations Commission, and he would be going to work in Chicago after the meeting.  We only had one car at the time so on the way to the meeting he dropped me off at Motzart’s, a coffee shop around the corner from where I worked.  As I was getting out of the car the news mentioned something about an airplane hitting one of the World Trade Center’s towers in New York City.  My mind immediately filled with an image of a little Cessna 172 hitting one of the huge buildings, I got my bagel and coffee and walked over to my office.

I fired up my computer, logged in and replicated my lotus notes with my company’s servers in California. I worked as a Field Sales Coordinator for the Trinchero Family Estates, they are the owners of many different California wine brands and you will not find a better group of people to work for or with. 

I turned on my radio and heard the news that the plane that had hit the North tower was not a small private plane but instead a commercial airliner filled with passengers.  It seemed impossible that had happened, was it an accident, was it intentional? What?  I jumped onto the Drudge Report website to see what was happening and saw the news update that a second plane had hit the South tower.  I still remember the feeling of every hair on my body standing on end.

I called my husband’s cell phone – voice mail – left a message about the planes.  Asked him to call me when he got out of the meeting.

Our little office was over a steakhouse in the ‘middle” of Evanston and only my boss and I worked out of that office.  Though, on this particular Tuesday his boss was in town from St. Helena and they were going to be visiting distributors, on-premise locations and retail outlets so she’d be there at some point after their visits.  I was sitting there by myself and getting more and more agitated as the radio kept updating the unfolding story.

As I listened the news became more urgent about the belief that the attacks were purposeful and the intent to kill many people was real.  They talked about the WTC bombings years earlier and speculated who had orchestrated this attack.  They wondered how many more of the planes up in the sky were waiting to be used as bombs.  They attacked New York… would they also attack Chicago?  San Francisco? LA? Dallas?  DC?  What was next?  The news came shortly that the Pentagon had been hit.

Tried Jason’s cell phone again – voice mail again – left a message again – 3 jetliners into 3 buildings, still more in the air.  Don’t go down into Chicago, call me when you get this message…

I knew my boss Bob was in town and left a message on his cell as well.

I called Joy, our travel agent in New York, she handled all of our corporate travel, I knew she was in Midtown. My boss Bob traveled a lot, so did the other sales representatives, directors and managers in the 22 states that I assisted – all in all we had about 70 or so people on the sales team and on any given day at least one of them was probably traveling.  Most of my guys were accounted for.  Joy was very worried about what was going on in New York but promised to keep me updated.

I decided to leave the office and see if I could go find a television somewhere to see what was going on.  I would have bought one and taken it back to the office if I could have found one – the Osco in the middle of Evanston didn’t have any for sale (I though they always had those 13 inch things).  I went back to the office.

Even though it was still very early out west, winery personnel in California were trying to account for every single one of our people across the country.  We set out a plan for a couple of us to handle making calls to everyone’s cell phones, home phones, office phones etc. until we had spoken to everyone – especially our east cost folks.  There was one we couldn’t get in touch with – he lived in New York.  He wasn’t scheduled to travel that day and we hoped and prayed he was out of danger wherever he was.

Joy called from New York – “the building fell down Ellie, the whole f***ing building just fell down!” were her words.  WHAT?  “the building fell, the whole building fell.” She told me they were evacuating and she didn’t know how far she’d be able to get out of the city and she gave me her cell phone number to keep in touch.  I had never met this woman in person, she handled travel for my team so I talked to her multiple times a week but I felt like she was another one of my co-workers, I knew she had just had knee surgery, I  knew she was not able to walk far distances, I wondered where she had to get to in the evacuation – I promised to stay in touch.

Around the same time the news came in about the plane crashing into the field in Shanksville, PA.  Why was this all happening?  What was next?

Jason got out of his meeting, came to my office and called his boss to say he wouldn’t be coming in that day.  It made no sense to head into Chicago when a million people were trying to get out in case we were next.  I wondered if we should go pick up our 2-1/2 year old daughter from the babysitter, we decided not yet.

The second tower fell.

We went to the Evanston Hotel Orrington restaurant – we weren’t really hungry but they had TVs there.  We watched.  We didn’t talk, we just watched.  We stayed for a while watching and then we went home.  We put on the TV and we watched some more.  In awe, in horror, in fear, in confusion.  We watched footage over and over and over and over.  Terrified people falling or jumping from the buildings, others running in the streets from the debris of the falling building, burning buildings, images of planes crashing into buildings, fire and rescue personnel.  Shock.

The news put forth numbers like crazy.  How many people on the planes, how many people working in the towers on a given day, how many people died at Pearl Harbor – would this day have a higher loss of life?  As the afternoon drew on the horror unfolded on the screen in front of us.

Images of the suspected hijackers, phone conversations from people on Flight 93 as the passengers took on the hijackers, images of the rubble. Images of people celebrating in the streets of the middle-east mixed with the pictures of horror from New York assaulted us from the TV – I had to finally turn it off for a while – but then back on because I couldn’t stop watching. 

Word came that the Evanston Ecumenical Council was putting together a mixed faith service to be held at the Presbyterian Church because it was likely big enough to hold all of those who would want to attend. 

We went out side, many other neighbors were also outside, just talking, quietly – in shock over the events of the day. The sky was silent – there were no planes flying overhead any more.  O’Hare wasn’t exactly close to Evanston but there seemed to always be planes in the sky – it was Chicago airspace after all – and it was quiet.

One of the most surreal moments I remember from the day had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks, which may be why it stands out in my mind.  There were two women who lived in the downstairs apartment of the 2-flat that we lived in.  They were a couple and always arguing.  Judging from what we often heard it seemed to be an abusive relationship.  That afternoon these two women were having a screaming fight right in front of the house.  It was about money, it was about respect, it was about lying, it was about “them” etc. one in her car and the other on the porch and I wondered if they even knew what had happened so wrapped up in their little world were they.

I called family members.  I went to get my daughter from the baby sitter. 

We decided to go to the prayer service that night - Priests, Rabbi’s, Ministers and an Imam brought their flocks together than night to pray for the people in New York, the people in Washington, and Pennsylvania and for all of us because at that moment we knew that nowhere was safe.  Someone wanted us dead simply because we existed.  A simple commuter flight was no longer safe and even going to work held a risk that it never had before.  

We watched the rescue efforts long into the night and the next day and the next and the next and on…and then it became recovery efforts when all hope of rescue was gone.  Planes flew again, my Mother flew from Ohio to California on the Tuesday after 9/11.  She and her brother were going to visit another of their brothers for a couple of weeks.  She told me that there were only 5 people on the plane – one an air-marshal. 
We saw photos of the missing, we heard tales of the dead.  An old college roommate lived at that time in New Jersey let me know that classmates of her children had lost parents – their town had lost over a dozen people.  Recovery would take months – plans to rebuild were already being talked about. 

Everything changed that day.

Ten years have passed.  I remember like it was yesterday.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Kids and Technology


My oldest has had a facebook page and cell phone I’m okay with that. Most of her friends also have facebook pages and phones there is a lot of communication going on via FB and texting these days and if used safely and monitored regularly it is fine. She mainly plays games and chats with friends from school and some other friends from cities we used to live in who she no longer gets to see on a regular basis. Granted if I could have bought her a phone that had no camera I would have gone that way – but the only phones with no cameras these days are military spec phone and incredibly expensive – go figure.

While she has a FB page, I have her password, and I set her privacy settings, I have veto power over anything on her profile and when necessary I have changed things, taken things down and even changed her password. I can do that because while it is her page she knows my husband and I have ultimate say on what she can do regarding it. (See This is not a Democracy - )

So, I guess with all of the information out there on what to not let your kids do and say and post online,information on being a vigilant parent regarding social media etc. I’m amazed when I see some of the updates from her friends and other younger FB members. I’m generally astounded that other parents are okay with some of the stuff that their kids are putting out there for the whole world to see. And I wonder if their parents even check to see what their kids are up to. I see things that immediately cause a red flag to go up in my mind and sometimes I would like someone to explain to me how some of this stuff is okay. Kids that aren't even my FB "friend" have wide open profiles and I see rude and insulting comments, I see inappropriate photos, I see out of line messages on the photos and I also know that these kids are under 18 years old and someone should be monitoring their behavior.

I believe that kids need to learn how to use technology and social media in a responsible way since it is so much a part of our lives. The level of instant communication and multitude ways they are constantly in electronic contact with many people are both wonderful and incredibly scary at the same time. For example, the good: when my daughter wiped out on her bike last week she could call me within seconds and I could come get her and her bike from where she fell – and the bad: so many stories of facebook stalkers, cyber bullying, creepers checking out images of kids online, sexting and the plethora of information on protecting identities on line.

I work hard to teach her that it’s always best to err on the side of caution when posting messages, status updates and especially photos online. I’m not especially na├»ve or particularly prudish regarding things online or in life (and those of you who have known me for decades can probably attest to that) but I am quite protective of the images and profiles of my children online which is why you don’t see their photos on this blog. I pick and choose carefully which photos are online on my facebook page and I have “veto power” over what my daughter posts on her facebook page. Security settings are locked down quite tight and I like it that way.

I have to remember that a middle schooler/high schooler idea of watching what they post may be very different than mine and as a parent I need to be vigilant and remind them that what is posted is a reflection to the world of how the kid sees themselves and wants to be seen - and with my own kids my job is to teach them to only put their best forward – it is also not just how she is posting as a middle schooler, but how she will present herself as she gets older and the example that she sets for her sisters and others in her life. It is something that it is better she learns now rather than learning the hard way down the line while on a job interview or in worse ways.

I realize that teens think that they are incredibly smart and quite invincible but I also believe that their parents ought to know better. So go online, get your kids password, lock your kids profile down, don't let just anyone in the world have access to their information, take their phone numbers and e-mail address off of their info page. Let them know what is okay to put out there for the whole world and what is not. Teach them to make wise and good decisions. It's not easy - but parenting is a pretty tough job.

Oh, and if you see they're posting at 2:00 a.m. on a school night - take their access to social media away for a while.