Why Parochial Schools

Lately I’ve found myself explaining our choice to send our kids to a parochial school. A number of parents have asked why we choose to pay money when public schools are “free”. They ask if we don’t think the public schools are “good enough” for our kids, (no, the public schools around here are fine schools). They comment about how expensive it is for us to send three kids to a church based school and wonder why on earth we would spend money over and above the tax money we pay for the public schools (its all relative and we all get to choose where we spend our money). They wonder if its simply because I went to a parochial school that we send our kids to one etc. (my husband went to public school all his life – no problem there). So aside from the NOYB answer I want to give, there are a lot of reasons that go into choosing a non-public school.

School choice is a very personal matter for each family, just as decisions to home school are very personal. We know that we are paying additional for an education that is very similar to the education received in the public schools. Our experiences with choosing a school for our kids have involved both public and parochial schools as our oldest daughter attended a public school from kindergarten through the middle of 3rd grade when we moved across the country to another community so we have seen it from both sides

I guess the best way I can explain our choice is that we choose to send our kids to a school that we know works to back up the moral basis we are working to instill at home. I’ve been verbally attacked for saying that and I’ve been accused of not believing that the public schools are providing a “moral education” but that is not what I mean at all. What I mean is we are working to instill Christian faith and values in our children and we like that the school that we are sending them to operates in a manner that reinforces those values. We like that their school life and faith life mix. Not everyone likes that, some people do not want their faith lives and school lives to mix and that is absolutely fine and their choice – we choose our way.

That said, it also does not mean that we are always in lock step with the school and doctrine but for the most part we agree with and we consent to the education our children are receiving – anything that may contradict or be a bit different from what we are teaching at home can and will be addressed at home.

My experiences with public school were generally positive and in some instances was superior to the parochial school my children attend now. The art and music curriculum as well as the enrichment programs available were definitely superior at the public school. On the other hand there were some things that I was less comfortable with. A conversation that I had with the principal at the public school comes to mind when I try to explain part of our reason for not choosing another public school. We were talking about the school’s policy regarding inappropriate language in the classroom and on the school grounds. There was a boy who was in the 4th grade (9 years old) and he was especially mouthy and a big fan of vulgarity. The principal contacted the boy’s parents to come in and meet with them regarding the son’s behavior. When he addressed the issue with them they defended their son’s language usage by telling him that they “teach their kids that there are no bad words”. The principal was floored by this because there are some words that never have a place in a classroom or in an elementary school but these parents insisted that their children are permitted to say whatever they like and that their child should not be punished for his language. I can’t say for sure but I’m reasonably positive that I’m more likely to run into parents with that mindset at public schools than I am at parochial schools. Just a hunch.

We are fortunate to live in an area with good public as well as good parochial schools, the children in this school district have access to excellent teachers and a school system rated Excellent by the State of Ohio but I think that ultimately the main reason we choose parochial schools is because in the end I know that the overwhelming majority of the teachers and parents there have a similar moral outlook on things. They can be liberal, conservative and everything in between but over all they want their kids to go to a school that reinforces the morality they are trying to provide their children at home. Some people may consider that exclusionary of other faiths but I think in a larger sense, because of the exposure, it teaches the kids to be considerate of faith in general. At least I hope it does.

As for the expense – for all three of my kids to go to their parochial school this year it will cost me over $2,000 less than it cost us for a year of day care for one of them.

This is NOT a Democracy

I’m not sure how my kids got the idea that our family operates as a democracy, heck we aren’t even a representative republic around here. Sure they have their say but as the parents we have nothing requiring us to act on or heed their requests. Ultimately all decisions come from above (us). We’ve tried to explain that at best this home is a benevolent dictatorship more than anything else.

I do not understand parents who give their children equal say in family decisions, that is not parenting that is governing which are two very different things. I do want my kids input when it comes to a lot of things, what movies to see, what restaurants to eat at, what parks to go to etc. but ultimately their input is just that, input – it is not a vote, in the end the final decision lies with my husband and myself.

That said, finding a balance is very important. Letting the kids know that their input is valued and taken into consideration in this dictatorship and deciding how much weight to give that input when making decisions is key, especially as the kids are getting older Letting them have more say but not final say is also a balance.

I’ve seen young children running their parents lives and it dismays me every time. Not in the way that the children have busy schedules so parents have insanely busy schedules but in more subtle ways. Say a child wants to take dance classes and there are multiple dance schools to choose from. The Mother wants one school and the child wants to attend a different one. When I hear the Mother say “I wanted XX school, but she wanted YY school and ultimately she won” I can’t believe it. The child is 6, you are 35 – how is it even possible that the child “won”? Or when a 12 year old saves up their own money to buy a TV for their bedroom and the parent says “I didn’t want him to have a TV in his room but he saved up his own money so what could I do?” You could say "NO" you are the parent.

My Dad had a lot of sayings that were drilled into my head growing up. “This is not a democracy”. “Life is not fair”. “Thing can be either fair OR equal but rarely both”. “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your parent” and a number of others, especially ones that started with the words “while you are under my roof…”. While I may have disagreed with many of them while growing up, I’ve come to depend on them as part of my parenting of my own children. Yep, I make unpopular decisions – but not all the time. And even if they are unpopular the are usually good decisions.

Nearly every right they are given in this home is give by us. No child has a right to a cell phone, a facebook account, a computer, a TV, an iPod, certain clothes, to go out when they want etc. When they spend their own money if they buy something I do not approve of I can take it back or take it away.

I just really wish the parents of some of their friends felt the same way.

Leaving on a Jet Plane (Without Me)

Vacations with Friends

Getting ready to send my 5 year old off to school on a bus is a big step, but not as big as sending my oldest off on an air plane, to go on a vacation with her friends’ family, and then drive back with them from Florida. She is 12 and she leaves in a couple of hours. She has been up since the crack of dawn pretty excited. You see, she’s going to Hogwarts (and I’m not).

I remember the first time I let someone other than family drive her anywhere without me, I was a little bit apprehensive but realized that it was a normal step as kids grow older. It went right along with the sleepovers, play-dates, scouts and sporting events that become the social lives of the elementary school crowd. Middle school means all of that and more – on a larger scale.

This is not the first time she’ll be “away from us” but it is the farthest she’s been without us and it is the first time she won’t have an “out” if something goes sour. If a week at girl scout camp goes bad or she gets sick, I can get in the car to go get her. Five days on vacation with a friend and something happens, she’s stuck. It definitely has the potential to be another one of life’s big learning experiences.

For my part, I’m not really worried about the flight since this will be her 21st (and 22nd) time on airplanes, heck these will actually be some of her shorter flights so that’s really not a concern. I’m not worried that she will be rude, or misbehave or not be thankful to her hosts. What I am a bit worried about is the friendship of two 12 year old girls surviving 5 days together, (especially the day long car ride back), concerned that one of them will get so upset with the other that it will ruin the trip for both of them (one is a self declared Griffindor and the other a self declared Slytherin after all). I’m also worried about her rationing her money and not spending it wisely so she’s not broke long before they get back to Ohio (but that’s in her hands now).

Ultimately, I am very excited for her, excited she has this opportunity, excited that her friend’s family chose her to ask to accompany them and confident that she is prepared to handle difficult situations that may come up.

So while I’m a bit apprehensive that “something” will happen, it’s not to the point of paranoia or to the point where I expect something to happen - hope for the best prepare for the worst and all of that.

Besides – this is the age of cell phones and text messages – I’m sure I’ll hear all about it.